www.mooncrab.com

letter from undisclosed, given some place over there (probably electronically), at some point in the future (may 28th, 2009 to be exact):

"Dear sir(s) and/or mad dames, As a loyal nonmember of Mooncrab incarnated, I feel it my duty to speak out. Now, doing this is difficult, and disembodied voices are very reluctant to speak, as you might understand, because of a lack of vocal chords. In addition, not having ever been a member, it is hard to remember what I wanted to say, or to be remembered. How can one remember if one was never a member to begin with, and how can one not ever membered be remembered?

In spite of this, I have taken to speaking out. How have I done this, you wonder. Well, it hasn't been easy, I can tell you (sort of). Two years ago, I decided to engage a vocal instructor to help me with the mechanics of expression. Unfortunately, the marriage never took place as i couldn't say 'I do' at the wedding. If I had had a heart, it would have been broken. An even worse fate was suffered by the passive vocal instructor: distraught by my silence, he took a job at Mooncrab, where he exists to this day on the digital refuse of rotten clichés. This was the noblest Roman of them all.

From this failure, I fell to further failures: the fisherman who thought that vinegar and salt might, when sprinkled over haddock, combust and shatter the time-space continuum, erupting in the spontaneous generation of the vocal chords which would harbour the voice he knew needed to be heard, accidentally devoured his experiment in a fish-craving frenzy, choked, and fell overboard from the harbour balcony of the fish & chips place onto the street below, thirteen stories down from Paramount Studios in the Jayawijaya mountain range. The ambulance rushed him to the hospital in Boston twenty-five years later, but realised they couldn't do anything about his dementia.

Now, I have searched for weeks since this incident, and I think I may have found, finally, a suitable host. Your employee Undisclosed is typing this as I speak; she has been helpful, and I think I have been able to get through enough of what I wanted to say, through the use of her and her computer. Now, while I cannot reveal to you all the successes of this teamwork, I can assure you that I now have the status of 'disembodied voice' in her mind, and this has allowed me to accomplish a great deal already.

Now that I can speak out, at least to her, I will say what I wanted to say. Mooncrab has been horribly negligent and discriminatory towards a certain demographic of its clientele and (non)body of employees. By privileging those who can be heard and seen, it has failed to take into account the unheard voices without vocal chords, the disembodied and de-vocalised voices, and the non-existent, all of whom are vital to Mooncrab's success. We are in agreement --- and I have spoken to other disembodied voices as well as de-vocalised voices and even some of the non-existent about this -- that some form of representation should be given to the nobodies, that our pay should be increased, that our purchases should be yielded over in an appropriate form consumable by nonmembers, disembodied, and then non-existent. This is a changing world, where toleration and multiculturalism must hold hands with the handless; where voices should cry out with non-voices for freedom, equality, better pay, and a change from change. Mooncrab spokespersons have, after all, said themselves: 'The internet is changing each and every day, folks. And that is why you are here. You are tired of change, and want something new.' Yes, we do! This is the age when a body can work along side nobody.

Also, where the hell is my coffee?

There was something else I wanted to say, but I can't remember. Shit.

Yours dearly, sincerely, and clearly,
A once voiceless voice now disembodied

P.S. Oh! I remember now: where the hell is my coffee? "